Category: wordplay

What do you get when you toss a lettuce? Salad cream.

When I told my wife I was a member of the Ku Klux Klan she went as white as a sheet. She’s always so supportive.

I was peeping over the neighbours fence watching their kids making a tall tower out of lego bricks. After watching for only a few minutes, there was a huge erection.

My girlfriend thinks I don’t have a clue what PG Tips is but I’ve got the tea shirt.

We were at the aquarium and my wife said she wanted to feed the fish. So I pushed her into a tank of sharks.

I bought some hard drugs today. It took me ages to open the foil and when I did I got smack in the face.

I was grateful when the judge sent me down. I sleep easier on a softer pillow.

If there’s two things i hate, its that i can’t count.

I was knocking one out at work today when I thought to myself “I hate my job as an anaesthetist”

I hated harmonicas up until I accidentally swallowed one. I soon changed my tune.

Last Friday, during my trip round the USA, I stopped off in Michigan for a crazy night out. It’s fair to say by the end of the night I was in a pretty awful state.

Can everyone stop with all the toothpaste jokes, oral-b angry

I tried walking onto an army base, but was stopped by a guard, who was only 5ft 4. “Sorry, mate,” he said, “you’re not allowed on here.” I thought, “He’s a little territorial.”

Your Panties Are Red, You Bra is Blue, I know this, Because I’m Stalking you!

You have to be gentle when cutting cheese, as some of them crumble. Caerphilly does it.