Category: wordplay

Whilst using a dictionary in the library I got trounced. To be fair, I was looking for trouble.

‘Thanks to you, I’m a lot more like Father Christmas’ I said to my wife. ‘Oh, I have noticed that you’ve become much more jolly.’ ‘Hardly… more that I’ve put on a lot of weight and only come once a year.’

Huddersfield town sign Scannell. WOW! A new bus.

So I lay on my death bed the other day, with my wife Tina, and my sister Marge by my side. When I saw them getting upset I comforted them – “Don’t cry for me, Marge and Tina…”

I got hit by a car in Paris the other day and a French guy came upto me and said “Cest la vie” So I replied “La vie!” But it didn’t help.

Ive been seeing a girl from my orienteering club for a few weeks now,but I think it’s fizzling out. We are not really going anywhere.

I found myself trapped by some tall hedges, I was amazed.

For Sale: 4 Church plates, 25. Collection only.

My wife said to me that she thinks i’m a bit obessive about my job as a horticulturist. “Where do you think this stems from petal?” I replied.

I have an absolute hatred for Dysons and Hoovers. I think it’s because I’m at one with the universe. It’s my nature to abhor vacuums.

Einstein said E=MC2 For me E=A great night out.

Long story short,I wrote a summary of a novel..

I want to write a cutlery joke but I dont know what the fork to say.

I’ve just bought myself a new four storey house. I’m only going to live on the ground floor, that’s my living quarters.

My girlfriend likes Roxette and bubbly chocolate So I laid a Wispa on her pillow.