Category: wordplay

Why can’t you hear a dog whistle? Because they can’t.

I learnt a certain way of boiling eggs today. I learned the hard way.

From now on, i’m going to be totally ruthless. I hope it doesn’t rain though.

Every time my wife answers back, I feel like a software programmer. My first release is always to Beta.

My girlfriend has just got a new patch that stops her from getting pregnant It has to be the best update ever

There was a raffle at work the other day & the boss drew out ticket numbers 2, 4, 6, 8 & 10. I thought, ‘what are the odds?’

They say blood is thicker than water so be nice to your family, But custard is thicker than blood, So should we be nice to Trifle’s then ?

I told a girl she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked pretty surprised.

The Financial Services Authority has said it’s to “clamp down on mis-selling.” I really think they should sort out their own spelling before trying to correct other people’s.

“I’m afraid your wife has pneumonia”, the doctor told me. I replied “Nothing new about that, she’s always moaning.”

I went to the Fun Fair to play some games. Turns out they weren’t fun or fair.

My girlfriend keeps accusing me of cheating. She just can’t get it into her head that my ‘2 pair’ beats her ‘Flush’

I keep buying rocket, but it always goes off before I can eat it.

My girlfriend told me she wants to tie the knot. I’m glad she wasn’t interested in kids either.

What I wouldn’t give to be stingy..