Category: wordplay

Is anyone here called allen? I think i found your keys

Did you hear the joke about the bed? It hasn’t been made yet.

I’ve had an argument with my vest. It’s giving me the cold shoulder.

My bucket isn’t feeling very well. He looks a bit pale.

I was in my first science lecture today and the teacher was going on about the principles of gravity. I think he was just establishing the ground rules.

Never mess with a black bike enthusiast. They have too many Tandems.

After my friend was run over by a steamroller I was asked to identify the body. Police said ”How do you know him?” I said ”He’s my flat mate.”

News – ‘Prince Maezrk of Kenya to be executed within 24 hours’ Oh well, Heir today gone tomorrow.

How do you make teenage boys more interested in history? Teach them how to delete it.

I told my mate that I secretly married my girlfriend yesterday without my wife knowing. He said “Bigamy, disgusting.” I said, “No, skinny Susan, and she’s gorgeous.”

I’m sick of my wife, all she ever does is cheat death.

My girlfriend won’t swallow. She’s not that sort of bird.

I said to my wife earlier,”I’m gonna tell your mother I’ll give her a tenner if she runs into the wall face first.” She went,”Don’t you dare” I went,”It’s not a dare..it’s more like a bet”

I’ve got the choice of either running away with my bulimic mistress, or stick by my anorexic wife. It’s slim pickings.

As I’m indie, I hate rivers. They’re too mainstream.