Category: wordplay

My girlfriend got home today and said, “Why have you got your arms folded?” “Because I trapped them in a mangle,” I replied. “They’re 16ft long if I don’t keep them neat.”

Most gingers would dye to have a girlfriend.

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on exhuming . The librarian says; “Let me just dig it out.”

I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend earlier. Even when we got out of the sauna, she was still shouting.

Andy Gray loves a good linesman. That’s why he got his sack.

“I’ve got a bone to pick with you”said the generous tramp.

I found a Microsoft office disc on the pavement today. Well that’s the word on the street

Why did the young deer slither on the ice ? Because he wasn’t bambi-dextrous.

My wife is very easy on The Eye. There’s something about looking over London in a big Ferris wheel that really turns her on.

Is it actually possible for Stevie Wonder to give his wife a good seeing to?

BBC SPORT: Real trio ruled out of Spurs game So they’re going to field a fake trio instead?

A man once offered me a thousand pounds to orally pleasure him. A thousand pounds. Well, I had my chance and I blew it.

My friends say I spend too much time in front of the mirror. I disagree, but I will look into it immediately.

Just bought a used car off an alcoholic. It gets me from AA to Beer.

I got a right bolocking yesterday. My grandma came round and she has such a hairy upper lip. When she was leaving, she asked me why I wouldn’t kiss her good bye. Apprently my answer, “Sorry, must-dash,” wasn’t the best choice of words.