Category: wordplay

A crab walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a pint please, but if I’m not satisfied with it, I’d like to be compensated with ten bottles of champagne.” The barman says, “Why the big clause?”

I don’t think I’ll ever get over my wife dying. She’s blocking the doorway and I’m confined to a wheelchair.

Numbers never have been my thirte.

How do doctors test urine? Knock on your door and wait for a response.

What country does not yet have a flag (but will get around to designing one next week)? The Procrasti Nation…

Garden sheds are for tools.

I went to meet my wife in the new shopping centre and ended up getting lost. Yeah, series one to five on dvd for a tenner.

The 62nd Emmy Awards I think the decision to cut the running time down to a minute was a good one

I complained to DFS after a sofa I ordered was dumped in the stairwell of my apartment block. They said I need to take it up with the delivery man.

I’ve just checked the BBC Weather Forecast, and it said ‘UK Summary’. Which is surprising, considering it’s November.

My son had his face painted to look like a run down hotel. Now he just sits there, looking vacant

BBC News – Oil-Covered Dead Birds On Beach Don’t bother coming down boys, the headline is misleading. I thought it sounded too good to be true, but i still came anyway.

I mixed up my anti-perspirant with my anti-depressant last night, and now my arms won’t go back down.

The problem with mythical creatures is they all want to be the centaur of attention.

I got my wife a table at one of the most exclusive restaurants in London last night. It was outside in a skip at the back.