Category: wordplay

I saw a Greenpeace poster today simply with a stunning picture and a caption: ‘Killer Whale’… I’ve no problem helping out charity but I’m not buying a harpoon out of my own money.

I was having the best stag party ever. Until they shot Bambi’s mother.

I really like the word ‘frequently,’ I try and use it as often as I can.

Windows. Such a pane.

I really hate my job at the french cheese factory, I camembert it anymore.

I shot someone with a starting gun. I’ve been charged with race crimes

I’ve just killed a girl and then dumped her body in the sea just off the west coast of Norfolk. I reckon that will come out in the wash…

I’m sick and tired of supporting England year in, year out. These higher rate taxes are killing me.

I’ve decided to take up my new roll as a toilet attendant.

Sometimes I ask my barber to stand on a ladder while he does my hair. It’s a cut above the rest

I’m sick and tired of people saying that Americans are all fat and unhealthy. They’re just mall nourished.

Went surfing yesterday. Came out covered in vomit. Mate asked “What happened?!” I said “I don’t really know! Was suddenly overcome by a wave of nausea”.

BBC News – “Saudi women win court access.” Can’t see them making much impact at Wimbledon.

A man walks into the doctors and says “I’ve got a rash.” The doctor replies, “Ok I’ll be as quick as I can.”

Consent Rated Proof, if ever it were needed, that consent is overrated.