Category: wordplay

My mate called me up this morning. Which is strange because my name’s Abe.

My wife was going on and on and on about how she was worried that she might spill her coffee. I had to tell her to put a lid on it.

I had a near death experience last night, it was terrifying. I can’t imagine how the girl I was stabbing must have felt.

My mate asked if I wanted to take part in their world record attempt at balloon bursting so I thought I’d give it a pop.

Did you here about the Taxidermist who was mugged? He fought off his attacker with his bear hands.

People are always asking me if I can do a negative tortoise impression. I’m going to stick my neck out and say no.

weekday breakfast – Snap, Crackle and Pop weekend breakfast – Smack, Crack and Pot

There I was, just getting my face hacked to pieces by a madman, when a hot lady in the corner caught my eye.

Every Monday morning I walk past twin pensioners in the park. Same old same old.

I won’t be buying any more of that cured bacon until I find out what was wrong with it..

I have a butler with a missing left arm. Serves ’em right.

I’ve just got back from a trip to Texas and I can tell you that it has certainly changed since I was a kid. Homebase is a stupid name for starters.

So, a 6 year old boy has flown away in an experimental aircraft? I imagine he’ll be grounded soon.

I’ll never forget the last thing my father said to me before he died. “Son, I’m becoming a mime.”

I stole a police helicopter this morning. Landed me in prison.