I was telling a joke to m …
I was telling a joke to my friend the other day when he told me my punchlines made no sense whatsoever. That’s what I call a hangover!
Continue ReadingI was telling a joke to my friend the other day when he told me my punchlines made no sense whatsoever. That’s what I call a hangover!
Continue ReadingBought a stock car to race. It was all going well until it rained and I was left in a puddle of gravy.
Continue ReadingLast night a horse asked me if I was planning on driving home. Although come to think of it, there might have been a policeman on top of it.
Continue ReadingA psychic once told me that my kid’s names would always be up there in lights and she was right. I called one Taxi and the other one Burger King.
Continue ReadingJust saw Frank Bruno’s wife with two black eyes and a broken nose. She must have been using the microwave.
Continue Reading“What do you mean you’re not buying my car?” I said to the guy collecting it from Ebay. “Well I don’t think it’s yours,” he said. “Apart from the forged papers, there’s just something wrong about it?” “So you’re turning down the chance to buy a thirty grand car for 500?” “Yes mate, you don’t […]
Continue ReadingMy boss called me into his office this morning. He said, “I’ve recently been thinking about leaving the company, I would like to spend the next 5 years taking my wife around the world.” I said, “That sounds nice.” He said, “After some careful consideration, I have decided that I want you to take over.” […]
Continue ReadingI feel bad for all the suckers who’ve bought counterfeit tickets for next year’s Olympics at such ridiculous prices. I decided to spend my hard earned cash on a Glastonbury ticket instead.
Continue ReadingI’ve just driven past an old lady who had fallen over in the snow, so I stopped the car and reversed back. She said, “Can you pick me up?” I said, “No, I’ve got no room in my car, you’ll have to walk”.
Continue ReadingI once took a pill of ecstasy on a date. I had a wonderful time and I made sure the pill made it home alright.
Continue ReadingI went to our local cannibal restaurant last night and ordered the ‘Baby Food Special’.. I love the platter of tiny feet
Continue ReadingA man walks into a Bar. He’s now a qualified law professional.
Continue ReadingA policeman stopped me last night. “Do you know how fast you was just going?” he asked. I said, “About 50 mph.” He said, “You’re breaking the law.” “How fast should I be going then?” I asked. He said, “8 mph, you’re on a mobility scooter.”
Continue ReadingWhy did the lightbulb cross the road. For a change.
Continue ReadingThe Doctor said I must cut out the two cans of cream a day from my diet before it kills me. So today I’m off to B & Q to see what other colours they do.
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