‘Rhino poaching problem i …
‘Rhino poaching problem in South Africa’. Why can’t they just stick to eggs like the rest of us?
Continue Reading‘Rhino poaching problem in South Africa’. Why can’t they just stick to eggs like the rest of us?
Continue ReadingI really do feel children these days aren’t impressed with the importance of safety in traffic enough. I hit a kid on a bike the other day, splattering him across thirty feet of road. I got out and surveyed the carnage, shaking my head and thinking “If only his parents had told him to wear […]
Continue ReadingI spotted a golden retriever this morning… I’ve always prefered dalmations.
Continue ReadingI was out having a few pints with the lads last night. I drank them all under the table. “Dave, why you drinking your pints under there?” They kept asking.
Continue ReadingMy baby won’t stop crying. He was born with an onion for a head.
Continue ReadingApparently, tortoises can live for 150 years, so I’ve bought one to see if it’s true.
Continue ReadingI was talking to a bloke in the pub tonight. I said, “I got a parking ticket today.” He said, “Really? Where did you get it?” I said, “Under my windscreen wiper.”
Continue ReadingSo Libyan authorities have announced an investigation into Gaddafi’s death. Results have returned to show that Gaddafi is, indeed, dead.
Continue ReadingI asked my boss in DFS what he wanted me to do today. “I want you to rearrange the furniture,” He said. “Furniture the,” I replied.
Continue ReadingThe boomerang. For people who don’t have any friends.
Continue ReadingCan anybody help? I need to think of another term for ‘cash machine’ and cant think of any atm.
Continue ReadingI just rang the emergency services and said, “There’s just been an explosion at the prosthetic limb factory where I work..!” They asked, “Is it bad, sir?” I said, “Don’t worry, it looks a lot worse than it is.”
Continue ReadingI went into a shop earlier and there was a sign sayin ‘25% off clothes in here this week!!’ So i took my top off.
Continue ReadingGlanced through a window today and thought i saw a sheep pole dancing. On closer inspection it was a kebab shop!
Continue ReadingThe wife just said, “Show me what you’re made of, big boy!” So I gave her a bucket of offal.
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