Category: stupid

Rambo number 5 announced today. Stallone’s character is looking for a little bit of Monica in his life, a little bit of Erica by his side.

I said to the cops, “I’d like to report my hat as lost.” “Where did you have it last?” “It was on my hatstand.” “And is this hatstand at your home?” “No, the hatstand is missing too.” “Sir, have you checked your house yet?” “No. I lost the house as well. I think my wife […]

My son has fists of steel and he’s subject to intense testing for the rest of his life.

I keep a clock in our henhouse. It’s my Chicken Tikka.

My new boss came over to me earlier and said: “You’ve got to work hard to get ahead.” “That’s not true” I said, “I’ve never worked hard in my life and I’ve got a head.”

CALENDAR FACT: All the seasons are named after coils of metal. Except Winter and Summer. And Autumn.

I was so disappointed after travelling all that way to see The Great Wall of China. It wasn’t made of china at all.

Yesterday was my birthday. Doctors are stunned by the fact that I can speak and type being only a day old.

I’ve recently been buying loads of umbrellas and water-proof jackets. I’m going to save them for a rainy day.

I really hope the saying ”history repeats itself” is true. I totally want a dinosaur.

How many blonde jokes are there? One, the rest are true stories

I turned up late for work yesterday. “What time do you call this?” My boss screamed. “I’m here now aren’t I?,” I replied. “I got stuck in traffic.” “You live down the road,” he shouted. “And we finish in 10 minutes.”

Wish people would stop sending me cards today explaining how they feel about me . . . Or death threats and hate mail as its usually called.

My Mom went and told me to follow my dreams, So I went and followed Megan Fox on Twitter.

As I sat there in court with my solicitor nervously biting my finger nails, I looked at him and said, “Can you stop doing that to my finger nails please?”