People who say “Things ca …
People who say “Things can only get better” when stuff is bad have obviously never had the misfortune of hearing Radio One Xtra.
Continue ReadingPeople who say “Things can only get better” when stuff is bad have obviously never had the misfortune of hearing Radio One Xtra.
Continue ReadingA friend of mine always keeps his cards close to his chest. He’s got a little thalidomide hand.
Continue ReadingMy granddad always said, “What you don’t know won’t hurt you, son.” Until I beat him to death with my big book of rocket science.
Continue ReadingAhh if only i had a penny for everytime people told me to not take things so seriously. I’d have 17p
Continue ReadingI witnessed a Cyclops and a pirate having a row in a bar. They just couldn’t see eye to eye.
Continue ReadingLast night I saw a circus freak with two mouths.One at the front and the other at the back of his head. Smiles all round.
Continue ReadingAfter our divorce my wife took me to the cleaners. A lift was the least she could do after being awarded the family car.
Continue ReadingI thought I’d treat my wife to some chocolates and flowers today. But I don’t like her, so never bothered. They do say, It’s the thought that counts.
Continue ReadingThis morning, my dad said to me, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.” I’m sick of these mixed messages. I’m seriously considering my future as a cannibal.
Continue ReadingHow to find a needle in a haystack… Cause that’s been such a huge problem over the years for all these sewing farmers who like to do their needlework in a barn!
Continue ReadingSticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains arouse me.
Continue Reading“If you can’t beat him on the pitch, beat her on the dance floor” -Stewart Downing
Continue ReadingI’ve been working like a black the last few days Which is probably why I got fired for lack of effort.
Continue ReadingI hate people who speak for other people, and so do you.
Continue ReadingThey say ‘a picture paints 1000 words’. Apparently the exam board disagrees with this statement where 5000-word essays are concerned.
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