I said to girlfriend, “Ev …
I said to girlfriend, “Everybody thinks I’m too sarcastic.” She said, “What makes you say that?” I said, “My mouth.”
Continue ReadingI said to girlfriend, “Everybody thinks I’m too sarcastic.” She said, “What makes you say that?” I said, “My mouth.”
Continue ReadingI noticed in the song, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” there’s a line that says, ‘and there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas time’. Well, I’m no weather forecaster but I don’t know many areas in the Southern Hemisphere that are going to get a lot of snow at all during their summer.
Continue ReadingWhy did the chicken cross the road? To avoid the oncoming woman driver.
Continue ReadingTrying to find a virgin is like looking for a white g string
Continue Reading“Secret Services should be less secret” says some government bod. We’re hardly going to scare terrorists off with “Slightly Vague Services” though.
Continue ReadingIs there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
Continue ReadingAstrology: because millions of planets and stars have spent billions of years lining themselves up just to let her know that she’ll “meet someone with nice eyes today.”
Continue ReadingMy wife said, “That’s the last time you’ll ever call me fat as I’m walking out on you next time.” I replied, “Darling, you wouldn’t really walk out on our kids.” “What kids?” she asked. “Oh, I thought you were…
Continue ReadingDoes anyone actually ever use a Tape Measure to measure tape?
Continue ReadingBBC News: Wear something visible at night. Ah man! I was gonna wear my invisibility cloak.
Continue ReadingJust so the Americans on the site are not so dejected .. you can read the New York Times headline of tomorrow here and now … ‘America draws with Ghana 1-2’
Continue ReadingEveryone’s complaining about ‘SOPA’, so I tried going on Wikipedia to find out what it is.
Continue ReadingThe cashier at Costco pointed at my zit and said that “proactive worked for her.” I replied that “college worked for me.”
Continue ReadingI was at a nightclub and standing by the door. The Bouncer came over and said, “You have to move you’re blocking the fire exit,” As though if there was a fire I wasn’t going to run.
Continue ReadingMicrosoft have announced they are releasing a ‘social phone.’ Excellent news; I’ve been waiting for one I can speak to people on.
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