Category: puns

It seems google news feed definitely has a sense of humour given I woke up to this: “Remains of british tourist found in Lebanon – Yahoo!”

Why did the Russian destroy a car? Vodka?

My mate has a fear of high walls. He’s having real trouble getting over it.

I was up in court the other for punching a dugong. The judge said it was a crime against a manatee

I bought a really cheap spinnaker for my yacht. It was on the sail rail.

Heard victoria beckham gave birth, Do you think it was a natural birth or did She regurgitate it whilst trying to chuck up her breakfast?

My missus said, “I’m fed up being your doormat.” Tough. She matches the curtains.

I feel a bit sorry for Pete Tong. He can never get anything right.

My wife said I was ‘Skeptical’ I didn’t believe her for one bit.

After Eights are mint.

So, I was working in a library and this bloke comes up to me and says, “Do you have a bookmark?” I said, “Yes, we have hundreds…but my name’s Dave”

Global warming. Now that’s a heated topic.

My mate wouldn’t believe me when I said there was a ‘Q’ in Kwik Fit. So he went down there and had to wait an hour and a half for two tyres.

I keep having visions where I run after the perfect plumbing system I should stop before I end up chasing a pipe dream

“It aint over till the fat lady sings” I take it whoever coined that phrase was at a Kerry Katona book signing.