Category: puns

Our town vet once neutered 50 dogs in 10 minutes. We call him the ace of spayeds.

I decided this morning to dress up as Gandalf for Halloween, but I can’t help but think I left it a bit late to get the costume together. You just can’t get the staff these days.

A handlebar mustache may look ridiculous, but symmetrical eyelashes are even cilia.

Let me get this straight. ———————————– That will do.

You’ve gotta hand it to Thomas the Tank Engine. He’s got a great track record.

I tried my hand at art the other day and thought I’d post some of my work… Turns out I’ve drawn a blank.

My Dad kept using this GPS in his car that kept directing him to cliff edges I think that’s what led him to his downfall.

There was an archeologist who made no bones about digging dirt up on people.

The answer to period pains….. Grow a pair.

I bought a cod fillet, and found a strangely-shaped bone in it. It did look out of plaice.

I was asked to create a physical representation of a present singular first person verb meaning ‘to perform an action’, but I was only given two rings of plasticine. I made do.

I’ve got an Indian relative. She’s my naan.

I warned my friend I’d be round in a jiffy, so I don’t know why he was surprised when I turned up outside his house dressed in a large padded envelope.

What happens if you swallow uranium? You get atomic ache.

I left my wife because she had a balance disorder… I just couldn’t stand her