You’re about as much use …
You’re about as much use as a Nuns ovaries.
Continue ReadingYou’re about as much use as a Nuns ovaries.
Continue ReadingI thought that my wife might have an offset ring spanner in her handbag… My suspicions were confirmed when I found an offset ring spanner in her handbag…
Continue ReadingWant to keep the Doctor away? There’s an Apple for that.
Continue ReadingWas walking through the perfume stands in Debenhams today when a saleswoman came up to talk to me. “Oh, you smell nice, what fragrance is it you are wearing, Obsession by Calvin Klien?” To which I replied, “nope, it’s Lynx by.. two get one free”.
Continue ReadingI can’t even begin to count the number of beads that just fell off my abacus
Continue ReadingAlcohol killed my Dad. He was run over by a Carlsberg Lorry.
Continue ReadingI hate it when I get a text but I have to wait about half an hou *some text missing*
Continue ReadingAccording to BBC news, “Gene offers bowel cancer ‘shield’”. Is there no end to Hackman’s talents?
Continue ReadingMe and my limbo team go way back.
Continue ReadingPride is like varnish – a transparent layer of tacky gloss that’s easily removed with alcohol.
Continue ReadingWhen cracking one off with a pair of knickers on your head, don’t look in the mirror, because you look like a giant fly.
Continue ReadingLife is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you just end up with nuts in your mouth.
Continue ReadingI’m sick of all the Irish stereotypes. As soon as I finish this drink, I’m punching someone.
Continue ReadingI’ve just got off the phone with the doctor, they say I have Multiple Sclerosis… But he won’t tell me how many.
Continue ReadingThe best advice on contraception a mother can give her daughter is simply to use her head.
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