Category: children

My friend once said to me “You can’t choose your parents.” In response I just said “Well, they chose you, seeing as you’re adopted.” Oh how we laughed.

My son said, “What’s your biggest regret dad?” I said, “I’m not sure son… Who’s taller, you or your brother?”

When I was six I was a bit of a knife addict. I was also an only child… …eventually.

With babies, they say breast is best. I don’t mind which part I eat as long as there’s gravy.

I just found out that my newborn son has special needs. Like feeding, changing, clothing, washing….

According to the new Cow and Gate advert, ‘some babies don’t get enough iron’. In all fairness, it is a bit dark down in the mines.

My girlfriend won’t let me have kids, she just keeps saying stuff like “put those down, they’re not yours”

I really hate reading the kids a bedtime story when my wife’s too tired to do it. Tonight should be the last time though – I’m reading them the Exorcist.

Children in Need says 4 million kids are living in poverty and are in need of a hot meal. Well I cant provide for them all but I can do a few each night. Solves my need too.

I took the kids to one of those play centres yesterday, but never again as it ended in tears. I got stuck in the twisty tunnel slide and had a panic attack.

Child labour is only temporary, but a diamond is forever. DeBeers.

Want to enjoy your holiday but the kids are too noisy around the pool? Try putting the armbands on their ankles, it works everytime….

I hurt my back today.. I was playing piggy back with my 6 year old nephew, and I fell off.

Promises are like children. Fun making them, regret keeping them.

It’s really difficult finding things to do with the kids during the holidays. My eldest wanted to go and see Cars and the youngest wanted to go to the park. We’ve had to compromise, so we’re in Asda’s carpark.