Knock Knock Come in…. W …
Knock Knock Come in…. Well this is awkward
Continue ReadingKnock Knock Come in…. Well this is awkward
Continue ReadingHow’s the treatment for compulsive lying going? Brilliantly.
Continue ReadingIf there is one thing that irritates me about my wife it is the way she dresses. For instance, she spent about an hour trying to put on some underwear this morning. She argues that she would have got them on much sooner, if I would have stopped kicking my legs petulently.
Continue ReadingI was in Tesco yesterday and it was announced over the tannoy that a child was lost in the store followed by a full description of what the child was wearing. Bit like ‘Scramble’ but for Pedophiles!
Continue ReadingHow do you stop a baby exploding in the microwave? Stab holes in it.
Continue ReadingSometimes my friends dont get me. It’s like I’m not even playing tag with them.
Continue ReadingMy wife said that I need to stop acting like a kid and be upfront with her more. I said, “I can’t, because the rear child safety locks are on!”
Continue ReadingGot arrested at Heathrow last week. Apparently, security doesn’t appreciate it when you call “shotgun” before boarding a plane.
Continue ReadingI thought that ‘Snap’ was the easiest card game ever until someone pointed out that you lay the cards down face up.
Continue ReadingIf they ever do manage to find Wally, will he be shot in the head and buried at sea as well?
Continue ReadingI stuck a label on my room mates back saying “I sleep with kids” as he was heading out for his first day of work. He later got sacked from the nursery.
Continue Reading“what is wet, slippery and smells?” “Son you think this kind of joke is appropriate at the dinner table!?” “Well we are eating pickles…..”
Continue ReadingAre you smarter than a ten year old? Yes I know that if a stranger offers me some sweets, it will probably end up with me getting fisted…
Continue ReadingHow many immature teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Your mum.
Continue ReadingThe wife just said that she wants to try out swinging. That’s fine, just as long as she doesn’t expect me to be the one pushing the fat lump.
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