Category: animals/insects

What do Animal rights activists eat? PETA bread.

You have to admire Giraffe’s… No matter what, they always walk around with their heads held high.

I don’t know why everyone tarnishes Oriental folk with the same brush. My neighbours are Chinese and when they came for dinner they were mortified that I cooked them a cat. Maybe because it was theirs.

I got asked by some crusties if I’d like to join their hunt saboteurs group and get one over the hooray Henrys on horseback. Naturally, being a caring kind of person and willing to help out people in their crusades, I accepted. The next day I got out there way before anyone else and shot […]

How do you sneak a gorilla out of the zoo? Dress it up in a gorilla costume.

I saw that movie where Mel Gibson has his hand up a beaver the whole time. I think it was called ‘what women want’.

I got thrown out of the local zoo last week for repeatedly beating their endangered Panda cubs with a metal chair. They said I misinterpreted the sign next to the enclosure saying, ‘support the WWF’… apparently it’s the WWE now.

I came down stairs this morning and found my dog stuck on the fridge. I think he’s eaten the magnets again.

Just read the booklet to claim Jobseeker’s Allowance. Without a word of a lie, it says at the bottom “If you need help to read this booklet, please call (this number)”. To be honest, if you need help to read that booklet, there isn’t a chance that you’re getting a job anyway.

I never take my dog anywhere there might be animal activists. He wears fur.

My pet lizard leaned back onto his hind legs earlier and told a really good joke. He’s a stand up chameleon.

What did the domestically abused fish get for Christmas? Battered

What do elephants use as tampons? Sheep!! Why do elephants have long trunks? Because sheep don’t have string!!

8 out of 10 cats isn’t bad. Considering they all scattered after the first shot.

What do you call an Albino Gorilla? Honkey Kong.