Category: animals/insects

It’s fun playing football with my rabbit. Although she’s not as bouncy as a real football.

Saying that my cat died of natural causes is just a nice way of saying he got stuck in a tree and froze to death.

Sat on the table in the works canteen someone said, “What do you make of all these birds dropping from the sky?” “Rohypnol??” I volunteered. There was a deadly silence. … “ahh! Not those type of birds then”.

I had a dog: half-pit bull, half-poodle. Not much of a guard dog, but a vicious gossip.

A clown was killed at work today . . . freak accident!

If cats stray into my garden. I pretend they’re Heather Mills. I give them one “Shoo!”. Then watch them hop it.

My bird has started to smell really bad lately. I had to buy him some dove deodrant.

I’ve just been fired from my job feeding the fish at SeaWorld….. apparently i wasn’t serving a Porpoise??

What drugs do ducks sell? Quack Cocaine.

“Come on, I’ll help you out of the water. You’ll drown otherwise,” said the friendly elephant as it placed the fish safely on the tree.

Shark attacks have increased ever since the tuba player was killed.

My dog’s got a hand growing where his tail should be. He keeps wagging his finger at me – so is he happy or cross?

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Give a fish a man and it will eat off him for weeks.

My wife said she is never going to a fancy dress party with me dressed in my wasp outfit ever again. I spent all night trying to get out the window.

What animal is best at brading female pubic hair? Platypus.