Category: animals/insects

So if I spray insect repellent on the insect itself, will he concede to self loathing and kill himself?

A chicken crossed the road and met James Bond, “What’s your name?” asked the chicken, `Bond, James Bond. Whats yours?`, “Ken, Chick Ken.”

There was a man walking in the desert. He didn’t know where he was, and all around him was just sand, and he couldn’t see anything else apart from the sun and the sand dunes. Puzzled, the man started walking. He walked for a mile and saw a single Cricket Ball lying on the ground. […]

Please, spare a moment for the tragic young life that was cut down in its prime in Liverpool recently… …the dog that was shot dead had pups you know.

Things have been strained between me and the wife recently, earlier she said: “Grrrr, rooar, grrrr…” I know things are bad, she’s bearly talking to me.

I can’t stand my 3 legged dog anymore.

I convinced a mate of mine that he was part of an octopus’s arm.. Sucker..

What’s harder than getting a pregnant elephant into a volkswagen? Getting an elephant pregnant in a volkswagen.

I’m very grateful to my elderly neighbour for taking my dog out for a run every day. I’m surprised she’s never noticed me tie the lead onto the back of her mobility scooter.

I slept at the wheel last night… I don’t know how hamsters do it.

Just had an interview for a position with the Seal Cub Liberation Front . Not sure how well it went. They said, “don’t cull us, or we’ll cull you””

A goldfish swims into a bar. The barman says, “Why the long faeces?”

My pet wasp died today. If anybody would like to pay their respects, the body will be in the cake shop window from 9am tomorrow.

I own one of the world’s smallest farms. All I’ve got is one fat cow, one lazy pig, one old dog and my wife. And they’re all in the same body.

I got fired from my job for just sitting around chewing on a pen. I’m going to miss working with the swans at the zoo.