Category: animals/insects

What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot? A walkie talkie.

A young man can learn a lot from a dog… Loyalty, obedience and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

What’s got 4 legs and goes “boo”? A cow with a cold.

I really liked it when my girlfriend started smoking The salmon tastes so much better

My turtle ran away last month. He’s barely past the driveway.

Sky Sports News, ‘Cats close on Korean’… Haha, revenge!

I dont like cats with two different coloured eyes. They remind me of cats with same coloured eyes, and I don’t like cats.

BBC News: “What dogs and cats can teach humans about life….” That we must have a serious lack of teachers?

I went duck shooting today. I spotted a duck swimming along and quickly took my aim, and just as I was about to pull the trigger I looked behind it and noticed six cute little ducklings swimming behind her. Luckily I had seven bullets.

The BBC website reports that two police dogs have died. in the current heatwave. Our thoughts go out to the families of Cagney & Lacey at this sad time.

I walked up to a woman feeding ducks in the park. “Excuse me, but is that not a bit weird?” I asked. “No, why would it be?” she replied. “Because normal people use bread, not breast milk.”

Do you remember the old PG Tips adverts? I’ve thought about how amusing it would be if they got monkeys to dress up in rappers’ clothes and “bling” and “rap” in rap music videos… Oh wait…

My brother has been off work on full pay for a month now after a cow knocked him off his stool. He’s been milking it for all it’s worth.

I saw an Albino Polar Bear once. “How do you know it was Albino?” …It was Black.

wasn’t allowed to join the x men because they said i needed more than just my bear hands !!!