Category: animals/insects

Universal truth: You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.

I put a “Beware of the Dog” sign on my front gate recently. I don’t have a dog but looking at people walking up the path is a lot more entertaining now.

Our dog can find anything. It’s a Labragoogle.

My pet Rabbit has been very ill recently, but it’s getting better. He’s recovering in leaps and bounds.

how do Llamas wake up in the morning? with an allama clock

My neighbour came banging on my door earlier. “Ere!” he said. “Your cat has been peeing in my rhubarb.” “Not to worry mate, it’s only a bit of water.” “That’s not the point. I was having it with custard at the time.”

‘Appearances Can Be Deceiving’ said my fortune cookie message; then I realized I’d cracked open a snail.

I went to see Deaf Leopard today. “Shout all you want, it won’t hear you!” Said the angry zoo keeper.

I recently caught elephantiasis. Its not good but at least my amnesia is cured

I’m bi-polar All the other bears don’t accept me.

When I was younger I asked my mum “What do you do if your cat dies?” To which she said “You can either bury it or call the RSPCA and they take it away for you” to this day I’ll never know why anyone would want to re-home a dead cat.

Me and my mate picked up a couple of birds the other day. ‘Yeah I think they’re dead,’ I said and chucked them in the park bin.

My cat hates Cyanide and I hate my cat.

*For Sale* Fully grown male African Lion. Slightly smelly, very sharp teeth and claws. Usually good with kids. Reluctant sale… due to multiple family bereavement.

Caring for animals can be such hard work sometimes. I’ve just been scratched to bits by my sister’s cat whilst trying to help it. I noticed 6 nasty looking zits on its belly and, after a half hour struggle, just popped the last one now. I hope she appreciates what I do for her.