Category: animals/insects

I dropped my boisterous three-year-old off at the nursery this morning. I thought mixing with children her own age would do her good. But it wasn’t long before I received a phone call, “Is she causing trouble?” I asked. “Trouble!” said the woman at the nursery, “Your pitbull’s got hold of one child by the […]

Terminally ill dolphins often have a craving to walk with humans.

A man lost his lower leg when he was attacked by an 18 foot shark. Does this now make it a 19 foot shark?

My wife bugged me to wash the cat the other day until I finally gave in. But after I’d done it I couldn’t understand why she was so livid. I thought that she’d be made up that I’d finally figured out how to use the washing machine.

Sometimes, I go to the local farm, steal a sheep, cut off it’s legs and head then pretend I have a fallen cloud in my garden.

Where do you find a rabbit hole? Under its tail.

I call my dog Herpes. He just won’t heel.

I had a look at a rambling guide yesterday. I was quite surprised by it really, I didn’t realise you could get jewellery for sheep.

I had enough of my girlfriend and her sarcastic “bird” comments. She would say things like, “You eat like a bird, you’re a birdbrain, etc”. As I walked out she said “Where are you going to go?” “Not sure, I’ll probably head south”.

What do you call a Bee with a speech impediment? …. A Mumble Bee

Ive discovered a new breed of dog that loves handjobs. Its called a pullmastiff.

Why couldn’t ants get into Club Doughnut? It was jam packed.

I have just seen an endangered large bird fly into a house and kill itself…….Stupid Bustard!

I was at a family dinner and I turned to my wife and said “I think there’s an elephant in the room”. Apparently that’s not an appropriate way to speak about your mother in law.

Took my dog to the vets because it refused to eat it’s food and started eating nothing but veggies. Turns out it’s a rabbit.