I’m finding some of the h …
I’m finding some of the humour about the dead child in the tumble dryer a bit dry.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Keep seeing old Rebecca B …
Keep seeing old Rebecca Black jokes reposted online. I hate people who won’t let memes die. They’re never going to give them up.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the point of looki …
What’s the point of looking up the spelling of a word in the dictionary when you don’t know how to spell it in the first place?
Continue ReadingThis girl my friend knows …
This girl my friend knows (we’ll call her the dogsitter) was looking after a dog for another friend while she was on holiday. During this period the dog unfortunately died. The dogsitter phoned the vets and informed them and asked what to do. They told her to bring the dog in to the vets. The […]
Continue ReadingMy old gran refuses to gr …
My old gran refuses to grow old gracefully. Last night she won first prize in a wet shawl contest.
Continue ReadingI like to do my raping un …
I like to do my raping under the cover of darkness. That way, if there are any witnesses, Justin Hawkins will get the blame.
Continue ReadingI rang my wife at work to …
I rang my wife at work today and said, “Do you fancy going for a few drinks and something to eat after work?” “Yes,” she said, “I would love to.” I said, “Great, will you get a case of lager and three large pizzas, all the lads are coming round to play poker.”
Continue ReadingI’ve been using Cash 4 Go …
I’ve been using Cash 4 Gold a lot lately and they have sent me a letter saying I had a “Gold Membership” Unfortunately, I couldn’t hand myself in.
Continue Reading“Sort of” is such a harml …
“Sort of” is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It’s just a filler. Sort of – it doesn’t realy mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after “I love you” or “You’re going to live” or “it’s a boy”.
Continue ReadingI love my new job as a lo …
I love my new job as a lolly-pop man. Kids keep coming up and licking me.
Continue ReadingI heard that people hate …
I heard that people hate it when you listen in on their conversations.
Continue ReadingThe Post Office said that …
The Post Office said that before they took any action, they wanted evidence that the postman was taking a shortcut across my garden. Well, they’ve got it now. They said someone will be around soon to remove his body from the sharpened bamboo pit.
Continue ReadingThe Lottery. As much chan …
The Lottery. As much chance as a walking talking Stephen Hawking.
Continue ReadingHow come David Attenborou …
How come David Attenborough is always at the right place at the right time when a “once in a thousand years” nature event happens?
Continue ReadingAll these different shops …
All these different shops are getting ridiculous, Toys R Us, Carpets R Us. There’s one near me that sells right angled triangles. Pythag R Us
Continue Reading