The proud father handed the baby to the priest for the christening. “And what name have you given this little boy?” asked the priest. “It’s a girl,” said the father out of the side of his mouth. “You’ve got hold of my thumb!”.
Continue ReadingMy granddad was never one for wearing seatbelts. He died falling out of a roller-coaster.
Continue ReadingI’ve been trying to think all day what it is that Pandas eat and I still can’t remember. I’m Bamboozled.
Continue ReadingI had to let off some steam earlier. It had burned me, but I’m sure it didn’t mean to.
Continue ReadingMy late gran left me a fruit shop in her will I went bananas.
Continue ReadingMy friend Dave told me he that he’d arranged an orgy at work, I wasn’t that reluctant to go until I found out he was a self employed farmer.
Continue ReadingI would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Continue ReadingI cant see many racist jokes being submitted tonight, “This is England” is on film 4…
Continue ReadingMy wife is always telling me I need to have a more active and healthy lifestyle… So tonight, I’m going to walk to the pub at the far end of town.
Continue ReadingI’ve always eaten my food in a military fashion, shuffling the vegetables in the middle, within a mash potato wall, surrounded with a gravy moat .. There’s no escapeas on my watch.
Continue ReadingI applied for a job as a Child Psychologist but apparently I’m too old.
Continue ReadingMy Dad just told me that before he met my mother he was something of a ladies man. He said he used to chase skirts all over the world. I bet he got a shock when he visited Scotland !!!
Continue ReadingI posted this on facebook last month”i feel suicidal” within 20 seconds i saw “rajeev and osama, abdul, and achmed like this”
Continue ReadingI put on my favorite winter jacket for the first time the other day, and as soon as I put my hands in those pockets, I was immediately reminded that last year I didn’t have any money, either.
Continue ReadingI took out life insurance on my wife without her knowing, and she hit the roof. She doesn’t know about it, I’ve just got her replacing ridge tiles without a cat ladder.
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