I was in the pub and one of the regulars was talking about animal impressions and asked what I could do. ‘I can do a pig’ I replied. ‘Let’s see it then’ he asked I turned to my wife and said ‘let’s go fatty, this guy wants to watch me do you’.
Continue ReadingIt’s true when people say, “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” I had a life before I got married, now it’s gone.
Continue ReadingMy dog has just eaten my entire James Bond DVD collection. Luckily I managed to beat The Living Daylights out of him.
Continue ReadingI was out fishing yesterday when my girlfriend texted me telling me she was breaking up with me. I was left reeling.
Continue ReadingJust took Jessie J’s advice, and “forgot about the pricetag”. Debenhams security guards were not amused.
Continue ReadingA dad sees his son looking bored one day and says to him, “Why don’t you go over the road and see how Old Mrs Brady is?”. After only a few minutes the son comes back and says to his dad, “Mrs Brady’s very cross dad, she says it’s none of your business how old […]
Continue ReadingI am a student………Forever a loan.
Continue ReadingEarly to rise, early to bed, leaves a man healthy but socially dead.
Continue ReadingI fell down a really deep dark hole today. I couldn’t see that well.
Continue ReadingA ghost walks through a bar…
Continue ReadingThis actually happened on Facebook, I don’t know the girl that commented but she should be made an honoroury sickipedian. Isaac Richardson thinks it’s sick that a status about crisps gets more comments than a status full of racism and hatred. Megan Hudson-Prentice Yeah, I know what you mean. Racism is much funnier than crisips.
Continue ReadingJust been shopping at Farmfoods, got three bales of hay and a bucket of pig swill.
Continue ReadingSo I was reading the newspaper and I saw an article about a community building in Poland collapsing during an open house. Several were killed and over three hundred wounded. I thought to myself, thats odd, you’d think 300 poles could hold up a roof.
Continue ReadingMy mate praised me on the quality of my tennis strokes. It was a backhanded compliment.
Continue ReadingYou know these fashions with skinny jeans. I can’t get into them.
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