I went to the psychiatrist I said, “I can hear voices.” “I see,” He replied, “How many?” “Just the two at the moment.” I replied. “And can I ask how often you hear these voices?” He asked. “Whenever you or I speak.” I replied.
Continue ReadingGranny Smith.. The apple of my pie
Continue Reading67 years late, a memorial to RAF Bomber Command will be unveiled at Green Park. It replaces the previous one. Dresden.
Continue ReadingMy wife woke me up last night and told me there was a burglar in the kitchen eating some of her left-over cottage pie. I didn’t know who to call first, the police or an ambulance.
Continue ReadingApparently, 3.5 out of 7 people overcomplicate things.
Continue ReadingFishermen know their plaice is at sea.
Continue ReadingA biologist and a physicist got married but soon had to divorce. There was just no chemistry.
Continue ReadingMy mate’s cat was stolen, skinned and made into a school bag. He’s coming to terms with it.
Continue ReadingWhats worse than waking up with a lot of pubic hair stuck between your teeth? Waking up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth.. I thought the worst thing was waking up with skid marks on your tongue?
Continue ReadingMy friend bet me 20 quid I couldn’t be a dog walker. I took him on, knowing it’d be a walk in the park.
Continue ReadingIsn’t it ironic that the staff at my local BP garage got really irritated when some oil leaked out of my car onto their forecourt the other day?
Continue ReadingMy whole world has fallen apart… Stupid 3D puzzles
Continue ReadingI bought a glove earlier. Second hand.
Continue ReadingI hit a small child with my car the other day and thought: “How did I pick that thing up…”
Continue ReadingI brewed 5 gallons of homebrew. It was pretty weak so my mate offered a tenner if I could drink the lot in one session… I was going to accept, but in the end I bottled it.
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