As a journalist I was quite interested to hear that an old couple had discovered an ice cream container that hadn’t been opened for 50 years. I rushed to their house straight away to see if I could get an inside scoop.
Continue ReadingIn the coming New Year, both Groundhog Day and the American State of the Union address will occur on the same day. It’s an ironic juxtaposition of events: one involves a meaningless ritual in which they look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for prognostication, while the other involves a groundhog.
Continue ReadingYesterday I bought a shirt with a picture of Wally on it. Now I can’t find it.
Continue ReadingOn my 6th Birthday my uncle gave me a present I will never forget. Aids
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a tightwad Wookiee? Jewbacca
Continue ReadingIt was a dark and stormy night and all the light’s were out, then there was a tap on the window. What a stupid place to put a tap.
Continue ReadingMy mates think it’s brilliant that my daughter has got a job at the station. I guess I do too, but I still haven’t worked out where the town of ‘Babe’ is yet.
Continue ReadingStuck in a dark place for 69 days without washing, wishing you had friends with you.. Your average World Of Warcraft Gamer
Continue ReadingJust got myself a new Czech girlfriend, but it’s taken her 5 days to hoover the house. Turns out she’s a Slovak.
Continue ReadingI was staying in a hotel on my mates stag do last weekend. I phoned the hotel at 3am and said, “I’m currently on the 1st floor going up to the 7th floor but the lift is broken.” She said, “I’ll send somebody up.” About 15 minutes later the manager came up and said, “How […]
Continue ReadingHow did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
Continue ReadingWhy does all modern club music tell you to put your hands in the air? It makes collecting your drink at the bar very difficult
Continue ReadingThose andrex puppies have been voted the most recognisable animals on t.v. for the fifth year running. Sounds like they’re on a roll to me.
Continue ReadingGot a ‘pony’ for my 11 year-old daughter yesterday. Pretty disappointing really, I had expected to get at least 200 quid for her. Mind you, I might have done if she’d still been a virgin!
Continue ReadingI found my perfect match today. Redhead, stick thin, well kept box, if a bit rough on the edges. Seemed a shame to strike it.
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