I don’t understand people …
I don’t understand people who can’t empathise!
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I was playing snooker wit …
I was playing snooker with my mate when we noticed we’d been playing for 23 hours. He said to me, “Shall we play for another hour?” “Yeah why not,” I replied, “we may as well make a day of it.”
Continue ReadingMirrors can’t talk…. L …
Mirrors can’t talk…. Luckily for some people they can’t laugh either
Continue ReadingIn Tottenham, the flaming …
In Tottenham, the flaming bus was late again!
Continue ReadingTesco Thick Bleach “Kills …
Tesco Thick Bleach “Kills germs and bacteria dead” I’d say that was thick alright
Continue ReadingMy son’s nut-sack is now …
My son’s nut-sack is now a lot bigger than mine. He’s left our peanut farm to work on a coconut plantation.
Continue ReadingI am well into modern lin …
I am well into modern line dancing. I jump around like crazy after half a gram.
Continue ReadingI sent a text to my wife …
I sent a text to my wife by mistake, luckily it also contained a typo: “I’m on my way to puck up my daughter at the park” I received a text back saying “Okay, but I think you meant *pick…” That was lucky.
Continue ReadingMy neighbour came banging …
My neighbour came banging on my door earlier. “Ere!” he said. “Your cat has been peeing in my rhubarb.” “Not to worry mate, it’s only a bit of water.” “That’s not the point. I was having it with custard at the time.”
Continue ReadingI was in the pub yesterda …
I was in the pub yesterday when I shouted out, “I’ve got a really funny Irish joke” However a big Irishman stopped me and said, “Be careful, I’m Irish” So I replied, “Don’t worry, I will tell it slowly”
Continue ReadingWelcome back, TheCrossBow …
Welcome back, TheCrossBowCannibal – would you like to hide a heinous crime?
Continue ReadingI’d just been out birthda …
I’d just been out birthday shopping and was sitting on the crowded bus home, when this little old lady asked me if I mind giving up my seat for her. I looked at her miserable face and heavy shopping bags, and said “Yes, I do.” “Alright then,” she replied, “Just don’t expect any christmas presents […]
Continue ReadingMy house was raided last …
My house was raided last night by immigration officials. They told me my tenants were illegal immigrants and that I must have noticed something by the fact that they didn’t speak a word of English. I told them I didn’t know what they were talking about.
Continue ReadingI saw my neighbour eating …
I saw my neighbour eating some food out of a bin the other day so I shouted across the road, ‘Hygiene!’ ‘Hi there!’, replied Mr. Hackman.
Continue ReadingThe mrs asked me if I cou …
The mrs asked me if I could pick some facial wipes up from Tesco on the way home yesterday. What a disappointing night it turned out to be.
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