Remember: “Stop, Drop, an …
Remember: “Stop, Drop, and Roll” is not only an effective fire safety technique, but also a memorable way out of a boring conversation.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
The other day my car kept …
The other day my car kept stalling whenever I went to take off. So I phoned my dad and he asked me what gear I was in. I replied “Just my jeans and t-shirt”
Continue ReadingThe lottery! What are the …
The lottery! What are the odds? 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11…
Continue ReadingAfter a long game the fin …
After a long game the final whistle went and our coach came on the pitch The groundsman went ballistic.
Continue ReadingThe wasp who has just lan …
The wasp who has just landed in my pint of lager doesn’t look happy. I’m not surprised, he probably didn’t realise it was Fosters.
Continue ReadingI went to the library and …
I went to the library and asked the librarian if she had any books on Hitler. Sehe said “Yes, in the far-right corner.”
Continue ReadingAs I am in a band, I did …
As I am in a band, I did a gig for a load of phone companies and the reception was amazing… Except for T-Mobile.
Continue ReadingAndy Murray could get a j …
Andy Murray could get a job in my local KFC. They can’t serve correctly either.
Continue ReadingI was totally engrossed i …
I was totally engrossed in making New Year resolutions at work last night, & ended up with a huge list. I guess that my career as a sea captain is now over.
Continue Reading“I’m a PC and I’m eight-a …
“I’m a PC and I’m eight-and-a-half years old.” I didn’t find Microsoft’s new ad too clear. I always thought a PC was a ‘personal computer’, not a ‘provocative child’?
Continue ReadingConsidering how much I en …
Considering how much I enjoyed adultery, the group I’ve just signed up for should be really fun. Can’t wait to try infantry.
Continue ReadingWhenever it’s my mate’s b …
Whenever it’s my mate’s birthday I always offer to have his party at my house. I really enjoy everyone’s presents.
Continue ReadingNever play Hide & Seek wi …
Never play Hide & Seek with a Born-again Christian. After all, they’ve found God.
Continue ReadingI went on a date with a s …
I went on a date with a stock broker last night. I could tell she fancied me straight away. She kept playing FTSE.
Continue ReadingSomeone put a note throug …
Someone put a note through my door this morning, it said 10-7=3. I’m sick of these takeaway leaflets.
Continue Reading