I went to a job interview …
I went to a job interview Friday and I demonstrated my amazing ability to fart the national anthem. The bloke laughed so much I offered him the job.
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I just caught the ferry! …
I just caught the ferry! I don’t know if that makes me the best or worst fisherman in the world.
Continue ReadingStudies have show that wh …
Studies have show that when questioned, 100% of pet hamsters had seen a giant.
Continue ReadingWhat’s Brown and sticky? …
What’s Brown and sticky? The Prime Minister and his situation.
Continue ReadingTo relieve stress at work …
To relieve stress at work, we have one day a week where we don’t answer any phone calls. After all, being a Samaritan can be very stressful.
Continue ReadingThis VW Bug pulled up bes …
This VW Bug pulled up beside this Rolls at a red light, rolled down his window and asked the Rolls driver, “You got a telephone in that Rolls?” “Matter of fact I do, right here on the seat beside me.” said the Rolls driver. “Me too,” said the VW Driver, “You got a TV in […]
Continue ReadingI accidently left an appl …
I accidently left an apple outside my local GP’s surgery. He won’t be able to get in.
Continue ReadingMy wife wants a period dr …
My wife wants a period drama boxset for Christmas. Pack of 24 Tampax should do nicely.
Continue ReadingI got a call from my mum …
I got a call from my mum yesterday complaining that buying her underwear for Christmas was an affront. Actually it was a Y-Front
Continue ReadingWhilst doing my taxi driv …
Whilst doing my taxi driving shift today, i was paid to take an American on a tour around London. As we reached the London eye, the American asked “How long did it take to build that?” “Six years”, i said. So the American said, “In the states, we could have built that in six days”. […]
Continue ReadingI was outbid 10p for a se …
I was outbid 10p for a settee on ebay. So close, yet sofa.
Continue ReadingAfter I boarded the plane …
After I boarded the plane, I sat down in my seat next to this old lady. I grasped the arm rest, being a little anxious. “Nervous?” asked the old lady. I replied, “Just a little.” “First time?” she asked. I replied, “No, I’ve been nervous numerous times.”
Continue ReadingWhat is the difference be …
What is the difference between owning a Ferrari and being a suicide bomber? If you have a Ferrari, you’ll be blown up but at least you have a CHANCE of getting with 72 virgins
Continue ReadingTo be honest I’m not very …
To be honest I’m not very fit. So I bought a treadmill and now I run for an hour a day. I’m not really getting anywhere though.
Continue ReadingI put a “Beware of the Do …
I put a “Beware of the Dog” sign on my front gate recently. I don’t have a dog but looking at people walking up the path is a lot more entertaining now.
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