Cleaning the house today …
Cleaning the house today took hours. Man hoovering sucks.
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Our dog can find anything …
Our dog can find anything. It’s a Labragoogle.
Continue ReadingTrying to be funny is lik …
Trying to be funny is like trying to force a fart – it never turns out quite as you expect and you’ll likely have to leave the room.
Continue ReadingPosting 2 jokes is like s …
Posting 2 jokes is like swimming after eating. You’re supposed to wait an hour, but no one does.
Continue ReadingTwitter. Making following …
Twitter. Making following people sound less creepy since 2006.
Continue ReadingSo the FA is refusing to …
So the FA is refusing to pay Portsmouth for playing in the FA Cup because they are in administration. That seems logical. Now, as a doctor, I have decided to stop giving patients medication because they are ill.
Continue ReadingFight Apathy! …. Maybe …
Fight Apathy! …. Maybe later
Continue ReadingI’ve just been diagnosed …
I’ve just been diagnosed with Alzheimers, but I always look on the bright side of life. At least I get to meet new people every day.
Continue ReadingI don’t like golfers who …
I don’t like golfers who practise a lot, they are always off putting.
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen a lesbian …
I’ve just seen a lesbian beating her partner… you can tell who wears the dungarees in their relationship.
Continue ReadingI baked a meat pie the ot …
I baked a meat pie the other day and then travelled with it to Milton Keynes, Birmingham and Lambeth, because my old maths teacher always used to tell me to take pie to three dismal places..
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between my wife and making bread? I don’t knead my wife.
Continue ReadingI put my wife’s comedy po …
I put my wife’s comedy poster up backwards, she didn’t see the funny side of it.
Continue ReadingDear Customer Service: Fi …
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I’m typing this with my middle finger.
Continue ReadingI’ve a horrible feeling I …
I’ve a horrible feeling I’m under surveillance. I’ve been looking at Google Street View and the same van has been outside my house for days now.
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