You invented Tipp-Ex didn …
You invented Tipp-Ex didn’t you? Correct me If I’m wrong….
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My father once told me, ” …
My father once told me, “Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it’s something your father told you.”
Continue ReadingI just got fired from my …
I just got fired from my job, where i disposed of dangerous materials from building sites. I don’t know why though? I done Asbestos i could!
Continue ReadingI just told my imaginary …
I just told my imaginary friend I’m pregnant. He said he’s made up.
Continue ReadingI accidentally put my ear …
I accidentally put my earphones in with the L and the R sides the wrong way round. Now all my music sounds Asian.
Continue ReadingA haiku must be, seventee …
A haiku must be, seventeen syllables long, I don’t know why… though.
Continue ReadingNext Halloween me and my …
Next Halloween me and my mate are going as a plate and a bowl. Girls love doing dishes.
Continue ReadingCan anyone else think of …
Can anyone else think of a use for multi-purpose compost, other than growing plants in it?
Continue ReadingI drove my wife to work …
I drove my wife to work this morning. I don’t know why, I usually take the car.
Continue ReadingI haven’t quite finished …
I haven’t quite finished my new book. ‘The A to R of laziness’
Continue ReadingI just drank some water. …
I just drank some water. Sorry, that was rather tasteless.
Continue Readingthe greatest lies of all …
the greatest lies of all time: I love you This wont hurt a bit its in the mail I was going to call you I swear I wont come in your mouth of course I will respect you in the morning I’m from the goverment, and I’m here to help you
Continue ReadingI’m allergic to sharks. W …
I’m allergic to sharks. When they bite me, I get terrible red lesions.
Continue ReadingI’m glad food manufacture …
I’m glad food manufacturers include ‘serving suggestions’ on the label. What a discovery!………I would have never in a million years thought of putting ‘beans’ on toast.
Continue Reading“Did you not hear the fro …
“Did you not hear the front door go this morning? My girlfriend asked. “No,” I replied, “But I’m betting some Gypos took it.”
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