My next door neighbour ke …
My next door neighbour keeps racing pigeons… but the pigeons always win.
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Great Almond Street. Appa …
Great Almond Street. Apparently there’s a big nut-house there…
Continue ReadingA bloke at work said to m …
A bloke at work said to me earlier “You haven’t done a days work in your life”, When I sit and think of it, He is so right, Since leaving school 20 years ago I have only ever worked the night shift.
Continue ReadingA guy came up to me after …
A guy came up to me after a stand up gig I did. He said, “Hey you stole my joke.” I said, “No I didn’t…” He said, “Yes you did, you stole my joke” I said “Search me.” He did, and he found it. I guess the joke was on me.
Continue ReadingStatistically, 3.141592 i …
Statistically, 3.141592 in every onion forms an opinion.
Continue ReadingA lot of people are sayin …
A lot of people are saying that Amy Winehouse died from taking heroin. But I think it was probably those 5 gram Es.
Continue ReadingMe and my wife were like …
Me and my wife were like 2 wild animals last night. She went for food while I ate the children.
Continue ReadingI just found out that my …
I just found out that my newborn son has special needs. Like feeding, changing, clothing, washing….
Continue ReadingHow do you know a woman i …
How do you know a woman is wearing tights? Her knees swell up when she farts.
Continue ReadingThree people of different …
Three people of different nationalities walk into a bar. Two of them say something smart, and the third one makes a mockery of his fellow countrymen by acting stupid.
Continue ReadingMy son said that the teac …
My son said that the teacher had made him wear a hat made out of a piece of paper. “Foolscap,” I said. “No,” he replied, “it was more pointy with a big ‘D’ on it.”
Continue ReadingLucky, the worlds oldest …
Lucky, the worlds oldest sheep, has died age 23. Well, you can only wrap them up in cotton wool for so long.
Continue ReadingMy wife has just delivere …
My wife has just delivered twin boys and let me name them. From her reaction, I’m guessing Pete and Repeat wasn’t the best choice.
Continue ReadingA Trojan horse has ruined …
A Trojan horse has ruined my laptop… It trotted over it while I was on holiday in Turkey.
Continue ReadingThe new Mario game is nea …
The new Mario game is near perfection. There’s not mushroom for improvement.
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