My brother has just been …
My brother has just been found dead after injecting heroin into his gums. What a smack in the mouth.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
If Wally and Wenda ever h …
If Wally and Wenda ever have a kid, it will probably be completely invisible.
Continue ReadingMy Dyslexic mate just for …
My Dyslexic mate just forwarded me a video of somebody taking a microchip out of a George Foreman Lean & Mean and putting it into a Breville Sandwich Toaster. 2 Grills 1 CPU
Continue ReadingThe wife and I had a love …
The wife and I had a lovely drive out to a country pub yesterday but, while we were there, I had rather a lot to drink. Well, it’s better to be safe than sorry… …so I still drove us home.
Continue ReadingIf you nod her head, does …
If you nod her head, does it mean she’s given you consent?
Continue ReadingMy Girlfriend wanted a fa …
My Girlfriend wanted a fairytale wedding, so I only spent twenty quid on it. It was a bit Grimm.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call an Ameri …
What do you call an American D.I.Y. man? A Mexican.
Continue ReadingMy mate recently became a …
My mate recently became a black belt in judo. I said, “That’s all very well but, really, how often are you going to be attacked by a man in a dressing-gown?”
Continue ReadingI tried to get a refund o …
I tried to get a refund on my incomplete backgammon set. No dice.
Continue ReadingI went into a Jewish rest …
I went into a Jewish restaurant and asked the waiter, “Why do two fried eggs cost more than two scrambled eggs?” “Well,” said the waiter, “have you ever tried counting scrambled eggs?”
Continue ReadingI planted some bird seed. …
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Continue ReadingI suspected my wife was c …
I suspected my wife was cheating on me, so I took a leaf out of Rupert Murdoch’s book and tried tapping her phone. I don’t get what all of the fuss is about – I’ve been doing it for three days now and all I’ve got is a sore finger.
Continue ReadingI’m going to sit in a bat …
I’m going to sit in a bath of baked beans on Red Nose Day. Not for money. Just a show of contempt at the starving.
Continue ReadingMy son made it through a …
My son made it through a blood transfusion so I bought him a 50″ HDTV. He loves his new plasma.
Continue ReadingI was sat on the school b …
I was sat on the school bus when I noticed Kelsey Jones the hottest girl in year 10. I sat next to her and started to work my magic but to my surprise the driver kicked me off saying I was sick, Apparently catchin the schoolbus to work is not allowed.
Continue Reading