I saw this midget today a …
I saw this midget today and said ‘Hey – you’re the guy who played that robot in Star Wars!’ he said ‘I most certainly am not’ I said ‘You are too!’
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My wife just told me she’ …
My wife just told me she’s leaving me, she said “you never take anything seriously, life is just one big joke to you!” I stood there for a while with a shocked look on my face. And replied “I don’t get it”
Continue ReadingI’m hopeless when it come …
I’m hopeless when it comes to fatherhood. Only today my wife sent me to get a muslin for the baby… I came back with Abdul.
Continue ReadingEveryone can put on their …
Everyone can put on their curriculum vitae that they know a little Latin.
Continue ReadingMy wife just had the chee …
My wife just had the cheek and the audacity to call me immature. I can’t believe I’m one of the most mature people I know – Mike Oxlong
Continue ReadingThe only reason we, the F …
The only reason we, the French army surrendered to the Germans was because the American government phoned us and said it was coming to Rescue the situation.
Continue ReadingI think the standard of g …
I think the standard of golf may have suffered today , due to me and my mate playing a grudge match. There were no-holes parred.
Continue ReadingI’m trying to read a book …
I’m trying to read a book about the world’s smallest house. It’s hard to get into.
Continue ReadingMy horse came in down the …
My horse came in down the bookies today. I said, “shouldn’t you be down the racetrack?”
Continue Reading“I’ve just invented a com …
“I’ve just invented a communication laser”, my mate beamed.
Continue Reading“999 emergency services p …
“999 emergency services police department, how can I help?” “A man has broken into my house, he has a gun and has my wife hostage.” “Sorry, sir, but we do not have any units available right now.” “Okay, but someone has just called me a nasty word on Twitter.” “Why didn’t you say? We’ll have […]
Continue ReadingPyromamiacs of the world, …
Pyromamiacs of the world, ignite.
Continue ReadingMy wife was complaining t …
My wife was complaining that I never take her out anymore, so I did. She’ll be conscious again in a couple of hours to thank me.
Continue ReadingI feel sorry for my wife …
I feel sorry for my wife after I did a series of experiments on her which turned her invisible. You’ve got to feel for her.
Continue ReadingModelling : A career for …
Modelling : A career for those born without talent..
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