My death metal band ‘Abuk …
My death metal band ‘Abuk’ got sued the other day. Apparently you have to pay royalties when you record a version of a copyrighted song. In my defence, i told the court not to judge Abuk by its cover.
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Have you ever noticed whe …
Have you ever noticed when you stare into the clear blue sky long enough,it eventually turns black?
Continue ReadingI was chatting to this bi …
I was chatting to this bird last night and she asked where I worked, wanting to sound like a bit of a stud I said: “Oh I’ve got fingers in loads of different pies…” I work at Greggs.
Continue ReadingThis girl asked me out la …
This girl asked me out last night. I was so shocked. I wonder how she found me in her closet in the first place.
Continue ReadingI was about to perform kn …
I was about to perform knee surgery yesterday, but decided that would be showing off. So I used my hands instead.
Continue ReadingIsn’t it ironic that the …
Isn’t it ironic that the people the created social networking websites are computer programmers?
Continue ReadingMy brother bought 9 tubes …
My brother bought 9 tubes of chocolate sweets & was showing off. He didnt know I spied on him first, then went into the shop & bought 10. He’ll be fuming when he finds I’ve outsmartied him.
Continue ReadingBBC News: Fears over paed …
BBC News: Fears over paedophile’s history Well you wouldnt expect their computer to be filled with the nicest of things…
Continue ReadingJust tried that “elf your …
Just tried that “elf yourself” application on Facebook, was rather fun, and decided to create a scenario with my three best mates dancing around. I can’t wait to see the look on their faces when they realise the other person they’re dancing with is Madeleine McCann.
Continue ReadingI read in the paper this …
I read in the paper this morning how a jury heard that…. “One punch ‘killed Defoe’s brother’” I had to wonder, how much rum was in it?!
Continue ReadingNow that men are no longe …
Now that men are no longer needed to create sperm, pig-ugly feminists around the world are rejoicing in the potential future of an all female human race. They don’t appear to have thought this through, I mean, who will teach them how to drive?
Continue ReadingI now know the feeling of …
I now know the feeling of having mixed emotions…. My Dad just informed me, he has Cancer and “it’s heriditory.”…. My Mum then tells me “he’s not your Father!”
Continue ReadingOLD LADIES. A dab of silv …
OLD LADIES. A dab of silver model aircraft paint transforms repulsive facial warts into fashionable piercings.
Continue ReadingI’ve just bought a car th …
I’ve just bought a car that won’t go in a straight line. Drives me round the bend.
Continue ReadingLittle Johnny came runnin …
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?” “No,” said his Mom, “of course not.”Little Johnny then ran back outside and his Mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay, we can play that game again!”
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