After 3 years of saving u …
After 3 years of saving up my mate is finally driving. I asked him why it took so long to save up since he got the licence, car and insurance in the first 6 months. “Petrol” he replied.
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I remember during my year …
I remember during my years as a vet when one of the wires on the support machine disconnected and wouldn’t re-fuse. I had to hold on for deer life.
Continue ReadingJust heard that Ashleigh …
Just heard that Ashleigh Hall who was killed in County Durham was ‘a lovely, lovely kid’ who was ‘the nicest’. Obviously she was nice – she had to be. She was hideous.
Continue ReadingWhenever I’m in Italy I b …
Whenever I’m in Italy I become a rickety old table. I guess I’m just a hopeless Rome antique.
Continue ReadingIn the UK’s latest sport …
In the UK’s latest sport “rich list”, footballers and F1 stars have topped the list. Unfortunately, no women made it into the top 100. I’m not surprised. The women’s Premier League is an oxymoron, and I certainly wouldn’t trust a woman to drive to ASDA, never mind belt round Silverstone at 180 miles an hour.
Continue ReadingWhat’s Woody’s favourite …
What’s Woody’s favourite Drink? Bud Light Beer.
Continue ReadingNEWSFLASH West Midlands P …
NEWSFLASH West Midlands Police are looking for a 6’6″, black, serial rapist, with one eye If they don’t catch him they are thinking about opening both of them….
Continue ReadingWhen I swim in the shallo …
When I swim in the shallow end of the pool I get judged strictly by my looks.
Continue ReadingI just paid five pounds i …
I just paid five pounds in KFC for a ‘special chicken dinner’ It was two scoops of corn.
Continue ReadingSee-saws rock! …
See-saws rock!
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between a traffic warden and a sperm cell? The sperm cell has at least 1 out of 375,000,000 chance of getting a life.
Continue ReadingI met a bloke who wanted …
I met a bloke who wanted to commit suicide. So i showed him the ropes.
Continue ReadingAfter a day in the sun, s …
After a day in the sun, sea and sand with my wife, it ended in the best way possible. She drowned.
Continue ReadingMy wife’s upset that I gi …
My wife’s upset that I give 10 quid a month to send orphans to school in Africa. “You promised to take care of my sister’s children after she died!” she screamed.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a cow wi …
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean Beef What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef
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