I saw a bloke desperately …
I saw a bloke desperately running for the bus this morning. For a moment I thought he was going to make it. But then I saw a gap in the traffic so I pulled out.
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I make my own fireworks. …
I make my own fireworks. I have a flare for it.
Continue ReadingScientists at the Large H …
Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider say they have found evidence of the existence of a ‘God Particle’. I thought He’d be bigger than that.
Continue ReadingSo in 50 year we won’t be …
So in 50 year we won’t be able to see penguins unless it’s on television due to climate change. The more things change, the more they stay the same then.
Continue ReadingI can’t put into words ho …
I can’t put into words how much I love my wife. I’m illiterate.
Continue ReadingThey say there’s no such …
They say there’s no such thing as a free lunch. I disagree. I’ve just seen the security guard go to lunch and I walked out of Boots with a meal deal under my jacket.
Continue ReadingMen. Avoid wasting time d …
Men. Avoid wasting time drying your hands under the drier in pub toilets by simply calling your wife fat and holding your wet hands in front of her mouth.
Continue ReadingI went into HMV and bough …
I went into HMV and bought a DVD of the film “Happiness” Just to prove a point.
Continue ReadingI like to try and have a …
I like to try and have a good, positive outlook on my life After all, knowing my luck it’ll be over in a couple of years
Continue ReadingWhat did the dad buffalo …
What did the dad buffalo say when he left his son? Bison.
Continue ReadingI was walking in a field …
I was walking in a field today when I saw crowd surrounding a woman that was lying down and not breathing. I ran over as quick as I could and used my basic knowledge of CPR to try and revive her. A member of the crowd told me there was nothing I could do and […]
Continue ReadingI like a woman with a bit …
I like a woman with a bit of meat on her. This is also why I keep getting thrown out of the local butchers.
Continue ReadingMy Wife said she is leavi …
My Wife said she is leaving me because she doesn’t have a private life… I found this out 2 weeks in advanced because I hacked her facebook.
Continue ReadingA pretty lady complimente …
A pretty lady complimented me on my extremely large package this morning. It sounds so much better before you know I work for Parcelforce.
Continue ReadingAn official biography has …
An official biography has revealed that the Queen Mother had colon cancer at the age of 66 and didn’t wear a colostomy bag. She must have been really dirty in bed.
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