I saw an American flag in …
I saw an American flag in shades of grey, with just 40 stars on it. It was very understated.
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When I was leaving the pu …
When I was leaving the pub yesterday I decided that I was in no condition to drive home. But then I realised I couldn’t trust my judgement. I was drunk.
Continue ReadingI spashed out on a new ca …
I spashed out on a new car the other day, but the garage owner made me clean it off.
Continue ReadingEveryone should pay their …
Everyone should pay their income tax with a smile. I tried, but they demanded cash.
Continue ReadingThere’s a new movie comin …
There’s a new movie coming out about the Rapture today. Apocalypse Not Now.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a fish w …
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Amblyopsidae, which are commonly referred to as cavefish, blindfish, or swampfish. They are small freshwater fish found in the dark environments of swamps, caves, and some deep lakes. They are known for having no eyesight. I found one and named it fsh.
Continue ReadingI was standing alone in t …
I was standing alone in the middle of a park one day, thinking to myself about life and its mysteries… Then suddenly something struck me. A woman driver.
Continue ReadingJust saw the facebook sta …
Just saw the facebook status: “A week full of pure football what more could you want!” A Girlfriend?
Continue ReadingLast year another 300,000 …
Last year another 300,000 families fell below the poverty line. This has prompted the opening of a further 45 Lidls across the UK.
Continue ReadingWhen I saw the police arr …
When I saw the police arrive at the pub I thought they might be looking for me so I went to hide in the ladies toilet. Didn’t half make that girl jump when she lifted the lid.
Continue ReadingMy Wife said she wanted a …
My Wife said she wanted a night on the tiles, so I made her sleep in the kitchen.
Continue ReadingMy 7 year old son wet him …
My 7 year old son wet himself this morning and all I said was “Urine trouble?” and he wet himself again. Now that’s power.
Continue ReadingJust a point. You know th …
Just a point. You know those campaigns intended to stop people illegally downloading movies, and to encourge them to buy DVDs? Do you not have to buy a DVD to see it?
Continue ReadingMSN News Headline. “Garde …
MSN News Headline. “Gardener shot in head has no memory of event.” I’m the same, sometimes I forget where I put my keys, sometimes I forget what day it is, sometimes I forget when I’ve been shot in the head. No-one remembers the little details.
Continue ReadingPeople are often surprise …
People are often surprised by the sight of my naked body. And it’s not just because I’m in their child’s wardrobe.
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