qjoq.com – Page 469

Good things come to those …

Good things come to those who wait. Unless you worked in a restaurant in the Twin Towers.

I was quite nervous about teaching my 13 yr old daughter the facts of life. We sat down and had a chat and it went really well. Now I’m really looking forward to tonight’s session. It’s the practical.

I sneezed and my nose got …

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I sneezed and my nose got bigger. A Jew.

Two elephants were having …

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Two elephants were having a chat. One said to the other “You know my dad was in showbiz?” “Oh yeah?” the other replied. “Yep, he was a piano”.

The hotel I stayed in las …

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The hotel I stayed in last night had loads of disturbed people walking around. Probably because I removed the Do Not Disturb signs.

Geese and swans mate for …

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Geese and swans mate for life. That would explain why it’s very common for geese and swans to fly into jet engines.

Here’s some footage of my …

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Here’s some footage of my ex wife. 5 foot tall. 4 foot wide. 6 foot under.

I can safely say, my tons …

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I can safely say, my tonsillitis has cleared up.

My boss came out into the …

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My boss came out into the office and said to me, “If you’re going to fart, make sure you go to the toilet.” So on my next fart I followed through.

My daughter asked my wife …

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My daughter asked my wife and I what it is like to be pregnant. I told her to put a bean bag down the front of her jumper and keep it there for nine months. After nine months take ten per cent of the beans out.