My science teacher said I …
My science teacher said I had lots of potential today. He then pushed me off a roof.
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My daughter’s such a litt …
My daughter’s such a little angel. I told her she’s got a halo. It went over her head!
Continue ReadingI had a wet dream. I fell …
I had a wet dream. I fell asleep in the bath.
Continue ReadingBeing in a low paid job, …
Being in a low paid job, I’ve always been jealous of homeowners. So I bought a new fish to cheer me up… Now I have a plaice to call my own.
Continue ReadingI was convicted today of …
I was convicted today of being a serial rapist. I’m sorry, but those cheery-hoes deserved it!
Continue ReadingI had a nice ‘Pisa’ steak …
I had a nice ‘Pisa’ steak last night. It was very lean.
Continue ReadingI have fancied this girl …
I have fancied this girl at work for some time but never really spoke to her too much, finally I plucked up the courage to ask her out for a drink and she said to me “I like a gentleman with a sophisticated sense of humour, I have a boyfriend already and he is much […]
Continue ReadingI’ve just bought myself a …
I’ve just bought myself a hyena. Finally my jokes will be appreciated.
Continue ReadingThis morning I woke up ne …
This morning I woke up next to some tart. Must have sleepwalked to the kitchen again.
Continue ReadingHoping my new groin after …
Hoping my new groin aftershave catches on. Everyone buy ‘Come To Me’ & help me out. I was gonna call it ‘Desire’ but the missus sniffed it & said “It smells like Come To Me”
Continue ReadingWhy do bald men have hole …
Why do bald men have holes in their pockets? So they can run their fingers through their hair.
Continue ReadingPolice found a dead kitte …
Police found a dead kitten, dressed in a little police uniform. They’re looking for a copycat killer
Continue ReadingMy blood is type O, thoug …
My blood is type O, though I think I might have spelt that wrong.
Continue ReadingFacebook isn’t the only p …
Facebook isn’t the only place I poke under-aged children.
Continue ReadingI went in to the barbers …
I went in to the barbers earlier for a haircut and beard trim. Not sure what happened, but I’ve just woke up on life support with half my face missing. The doctor told me it was a close shave.
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