You know your going bald …
You know your going bald when you use more toothpaste than you do shampoo.
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What do you call a kid wi …
What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.
Continue ReadingI was literally terrified …
I was literally terrified last night. I was mugged by someone with a book.
Continue ReadingI want to go to my girlfr …
I want to go to my girlfriend’s dad and ask for her hand and I’m really nervous about it. It’s in his pants.
Continue ReadingPersonalitybook: the soci …
Personalitybook: the social networking site for fat people
Continue ReadingLooking forward to rear o …
Looking forward to rear of the year. I’m entering my sisters.
Continue ReadingI was by the balcony with …
I was by the balcony with my wife when she said, “I’m scared of heights” So I let her go.
Continue ReadingMy motto is “Never say ne …
My motto is “Never say never.” Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto.
Continue Reading‘Roy Hodgson spends four …
‘Roy Hodgson spends four hours talking to F.A.’ It should’ve only been an hour but they kept laughing everytime he mentioned WeferWees.
Continue ReadingIceland ready meals. They …
Iceland ready meals. They taste of poverty and broken dreams.
Continue ReadingChampion jockey to win Sp …
Champion jockey to win Sports Personality of The Year. There’s an AP for that..
Continue ReadingIn this time of austerity …
In this time of austerity and recession I have decided to produce my tightrope act on a shoestring.
Continue ReadingMy best friend came up to …
My best friend came up to me yesterday and said, “This is a photo of me when I was younger.” I replied, “Every photo is of when you were younger.”
Continue ReadingA duck walks into a fish …
A duck walks into a fish shop and asks if they batter fish because there’s one in the pond that keeps bullying him.
Continue ReadingGoogle Earth… …and th …
Google Earth… …and the first result you get is Google Earth.
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