My local magician can slo …
My local magician can slow his heartbeat down until it stops. But, to tell the truth, he only managed to pull it off once.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
There was a raffle at wor …
There was a raffle at work the other day & the boss drew out ticket numbers 2, 4, 6, 8 & 10. I thought, ‘what are the odds?’
Continue ReadingI went to Cheltenham yest …
I went to Cheltenham yesterday after hearing it was a great place to see lovely 10 year olds getting ridden. I was let down. It was a horse racing event.
Continue ReadingMan walks into a doctors. …
Man walks into a doctors. “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got no ventricles,” he said half-heartedly.
Continue ReadingMy wife says I’m too much …
My wife says I’m too much of a skeptic I’m not so sure
Continue ReadingThey say blood is thicker …
They say blood is thicker than water so be nice to your family, But custard is thicker than blood, So should we be nice to Trifle’s then ?
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a cow th …
What do you call a cow that has had an abortion? Decalfinated.
Continue ReadingJust got to go feed the c …
Just got to go feed the cat …To something that eats cats.
Continue ReadingI’ve just bought some Chi …
I’ve just bought some Chicken Tonight, but I’m going to eat it tomorrow. Fight the Power!
Continue Reading“Knock knock.” “Who’s the …
“Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “It’s the RSPCA, Mr Schrodinger. We would like to ask you a few questions.”
Continue ReadingI told a girl she drew he …
I told a girl she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked pretty surprised.
Continue ReadingThe Financial Services Au …
The Financial Services Authority has said it’s to “clamp down on mis-selling.” I really think they should sort out their own spelling before trying to correct other people’s.
Continue ReadingI’ve just tucked my shirt …
I’ve just tucked my shirt in. I don’t know why I put it to bed so early.
Continue ReadingI’ve been preparing for t …
I’ve been preparing for this date for hours- dressing in my smartest clothes, combing my hair… I don’t know why I’ve made it such a big deal really, It’s just a fruit.
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen a pair of …
I’ve just seen a pair of hippies mid-protest, proper Green activist, all about saving the planet they were. I feel they may be taking a little too far though though, when they had to decide who would leave their post to go and fetch some water. They played Rock, Scissors, Recycled paper.
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