I always thought i had a …
I always thought i had a good imagination… but it turns out it was just my imagination
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My mates and I were decid …
My mates and I were deciding which one of us was going to steal New York’s tallest statue. Anyone could have done it but in the end I took the Liberty.
Continue ReadingI was asked by my mate Ti …
I was asked by my mate Tim if I would be the best man for his wedding to a Chinese girl. Apparently, referring to the couple as Tim-Tong is enough to get me kicked out of the church.
Continue ReadingHonesty may be the best p …
Honesty may be the best policy. But insanity is a better defence.
Continue ReadingSome people say you must …
Some people say you must have played football to become a manager. I wonder how many jockeys used to be a horse.
Continue ReadingI saw a group on Facebook …
I saw a group on Facebook called “Dear students, I know when you’re texting. Seriously, no one just looks down at their crotch and smiles. Sincerely, teacher.” Unless you’re a black guy sitting next to a white guy…
Continue ReadingJK Rowling today is going …
JK Rowling today is going to tell her story of press intrusion, Slight change of direction from the Harry Potter books…
Continue ReadingI was teaching my son far …
I was teaching my son farmyard Animals the other day! What noise does a sheep make? ”Baaaaahh” What noise does a cow make? “mooooo”” What noise does a pig make? ”I set fire, to the rain” Good Lad
Continue ReadingInvisible flooring – I’m …
Invisible flooring – I’m not sure where I stand on that
Continue Reading“When did all these drama …
“When did all these drama filled reality TV shows about food, weather, kids, and relationships start using closed captioning for the hearing impaired?” I thought to myself. Then I realised I was on Facebook.
Continue ReadingHungry astronomers don’t …
Hungry astronomers don’t like galaxies, they prefer something that’s a little meteor.
Continue ReadingJust took a video of an a …
Just took a video of an angry lion… was some roar footage
Continue ReadingI said to my doctor, “I’v …
I said to my doctor, “I’ve got a problem, everybody I look at resembles an elephant”. He said, “Really? Carry on, I’m all ears”.
Continue ReadingWhen it comes to making m …
When it comes to making money, I’ve got to hand it to my wife. All of it.
Continue ReadingThey say that all roads l …
They say that all roads lead to Rome. Imagine my disappointment when I tried to take a shortcut on the M25.
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