After years of nagging, I …
After years of nagging, I finally put the Gary Speed wallpaper up in my son’s room. As my wife said, it’s not going to hang its self.
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I keep all my puff pastry …
I keep all my puff pastry recipes in alphabetical order in my Filofax.
Continue ReadingThey say attack is the be …
They say attack is the best form of defence. Although I’m not completely sure that I needed to ‘defend’ myself against that 80 year old disabled woman.
Continue ReadingI was never much good at …
I was never much good at wordplay Which i why i decided to enroll at the Opun university.
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I’ve been doing some experimenting with bread and have developed a new dough that is pitch black. I’m calling it ‘Dark Night’ dough. I’m just waiting for it to rise.
Continue Reading“Obama and wife too later …
“Obama and wife too later congratulate newly weds Harry and Kate” could this be the first time americans were late to support the british in a national event?
Continue ReadingThepigethecatons Thats pu …
Thepigethecatons Thats put the cat amongst the pigeons
Continue ReadingWhy are blonde jokes gene …
Why are blonde jokes generally frowned upon? Because they’re not very clever.
Continue ReadingWhen I started my new job …
When I started my new job in the City, I turned up naked. I got a bit confused, I thought I was learning how to deal with shocks and stares.
Continue ReadingThe words “I love you”. P …
The words “I love you”. Putting the con into consent.
Continue ReadingI’m moving to heaven. App …
I’m moving to heaven. Apparently there’s jobs there.
Continue Reading“I know what you’re think …
“I know what you’re thinking: did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself but, being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: do I feel lucky? Well, […]
Continue ReadingTip: When your boss says …
Tip: When your boss says to you “Do you know how I got to where I am today?” Dont say ” Your mum got drunk one night in a bar and could not afford an abortion?”
Continue ReadingI wonder what the word fo …
I wonder what the word for ‘dot’ looks like in braille
Continue ReadingPowernap (n) – when you f …
Powernap (n) – when you fall asleep on someone who is weaker than you.
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