I was driving my nerdy kid to school the other day, when he turned to me and said “Dad, how do I become cool, like you?” I said “Son, there’s 2 simple rules: 1 Always act cool, and 2 Never be seen with losers. Now, get out.” He said “But Dad, schools a half mile […]
Continue ReadingThe joys of Facebook. The current girlfriend and the secret girlfriend are both commenting on a picture of me and the future girlfriend.
Continue ReadingDid you here about the Taxidermist who was mugged? He fought off his attacker with his bear hands.
Continue ReadingThey lived like wild animals,they neither smoked nor drank.
Continue ReadingSometimes, I put clothes in the wash that I never wear. I like to give my washing machine a break from the monotony, like a little holiday.
Continue ReadingPeople are always asking me if I can do a negative tortoise impression. I’m going to stick my neck out and say no.
Continue ReadingDoes anyone else just dread meeting their girlfriend’s parents for the first time? It’s always stuffy, uncomfortable and unbearably awkward. I hate police stations.
Continue Readingweekday breakfast – Snap, Crackle and Pop weekend breakfast – Smack, Crack and Pot
Continue ReadingThere I was, just getting my face hacked to pieces by a madman, when a hot lady in the corner caught my eye.
Continue ReadingMan: ily Woman: Awww write the words in full they mean more when theyre written properly Man: Im leaving you
Continue ReadingI must be one of the luckiest people alive. Almost everyday I enter a website I’m the millionth visitor and win an iPad.
Continue ReadingLast night I played FIFA 11 with my kid and beat him. It’s his own fault, he should have lost.
Continue ReadingHas anyone else noticed the irony in the amount of people that have ‘ in their names on Facebook?
Continue ReadingEvery Monday morning I walk past twin pensioners in the park. Same old same old.
Continue ReadingI won’t be buying any more of that cured bacon until I find out what was wrong with it..
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