It’s always hard being ea …
It’s always hard being easily aroused.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
A mate of mine has been t …
A mate of mine has been telling absolutely everyone that he has been doing stretching exercises for so long that he can now bend double. I guess he really likes blowing his own trumpet.
Continue ReadingImagine winning 161 milli …
Imagine winning 161 million in the lottery, you could buy anything you ever wanted. Except a neck.
Continue ReadingAt the moment my fellow a …
At the moment my fellow actors and I keep falling through the theatre floor. I guess its just a stage we all go through.
Continue ReadingApparently there’s a necr …
Apparently there’s a necrophiliac who has escaped from jail. People are in grave danger.
Continue ReadingSean Combs died last nigh …
Sean Combs died last night. Did he? Yeah, that’s the one.
Continue ReadingWhat did the teabag say a …
What did the teabag say as it vigorously got out of the teapot? I think I’ve strained myself.
Continue ReadingI bought a Pole at the sl …
I bought a Pole at the slave trading expo yesterday. Paid with a Czech.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend left me bec …
My girlfriend left me because I told her my work was more important than her. I’m unemployed.
Continue ReadingI got to drive the Top Ge …
I got to drive the Top Gear test track today, it’s actually quite scary. When I got to Followthrough Corner, I shat myself.
Continue Reading“Treat ’em mean, keep ’em …
“Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen” or in other words; punch her in the face and she’ll stick around.
Continue ReadingThe other day I asked my …
The other day I asked my hairdresser if I could have highlights,and he showed me a video of past haircuts.
Continue ReadingJust been thrown out of a …
Just been thrown out of a Watch Repairs shop for staring at them while they worked.
Continue ReadingI have just opened up a F …
I have just opened up a Facebook account, which I have called ‘No One’. Now, whenever I send someone a friend request, they read ‘No One wants to be your friend’ on their screen. And people wonder why the human race has such simple pleasures.
Continue ReadingA policeman stopped me la …
A policeman stopped me last night. “Do you know how fast you was just going?” he asked. I said, “About 50 mph.” He said, “You’re breaking the law.” “How fast should I be going then?” I asked. He said, “8 mph, you’re on a mobility scooter.”
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