Author: qjoq.com

BBC news: 12 year old boy dies after goal posts fall on him. His friends said they would miss him. They didn’t.

We were preparing for a party the other day and my wife asked me to put together a mixture of different alcohols and fruit juices. However, I wish she’d actually said that, instead of ‘I’d like a good punch’.

My wife has just had her name changed to Mona. Quite ironic, really.

My wife was trying to get me to admit I take drugs: “A ten pound note says you’re a user” She said “And you say I take hallucinogenic substances…” I replied

I always go for girls in their prime. 2, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13

I’m dating a girl who’s done time. Tomorrow she’s doing the alphabet and, the day after, farmyard animals.

I have said it once, and i will say it again, It.

When I was a boy, my friends said quoting songs would get me nowhere. Well Take A Look At Me Now.

Whilst looking at junk food and ready meals in the supermarket today, my wife was asking me if I had any ideas on a good new years resolution for her. I said “give up breathing” Then I thought, I’d be a lovely husband and help her out with it. Tesco bags. Every little helps.